Yes, it's been awhile since I have blogged. This is why I am not a commercial artist. I cannot produce art on command. I can't produce verbage on demand. Although functioning as a dance teacher and choreographer for 24 years, I was basically doing that on a daily basis, but I hated having fear as a motivation. But, come to think of it, most artists may only work under that fear deadline, otherwise they would be watching re-runs on cable TV in sweatpants and eating chocolate in self-loathing. I set myself a goal with this blog, to go through the alphabet on creativity from A-Z, and dammitt, I got stuck at the letter U. Well, part of it was because I thought the word "Utter" was spelled "Uttur", like some Norse medieval god, so I was arguing with the internet about that. You can't win in a competition with the internet. Sad but true. The other problem was......I had nothing to say. That happens. It's my main problem with creating art. Do I have something to say and is it interesting enough to say? Because here's the thing....there's a LOT of crap art out there. And because of the internet there are a lot of people blabbing on and on, in a totally self-indulgent and annoying way, about things that nobody, other than their BFFs, really need to know about. There is too much information and not enough knowledge or wisdom being shared. And the young, sadly, seem to have no sense of boundaries anymore. Let me clarify: the young, and male politicians, seem to have no sense of boundaries anymore. I, myself, in moments of depression and anxiety, have tried a couple of sessions of psychotherapy and let me say this: some things are better left unsaid. (Disclaimer: this is only me and my personality. Others have benefited greatly from therapy and/or wine and chocolate) It's that whole confessional approach of sharing with strangers, even strangers with college degrees, who don't know the real you, that leaves me feeling fraudulent and evasive. Which is why I am an advocate of cultivating long-term friendships. I went to my monthly Girls' Night Out last night, and was asked when my next blog would be coming out. Wow, that was 50% of my fan base right there, actually reading my brain farts online. I almost felt bad for being such a summer-lethargic, web-surfing slacker. And when my college roommates showed up for our second annual reunion this month, I breathed a sigh of relief and knew I could sit in my pajamas, sans make-up, sans bullshit, and careful phrasing of opinions, and just relax and let loose with them. Friendship is the key to leading a sane life. But friendship takes time and effort, like marriage, like parenthood. Those people who post online to complete strangers, all their deepest feelings, all their romantic faux pas, all their nude photos, their nude emotions, their naked, desperate thoughts, are just whistling in the dark, begging to be noticed. And the only ones who notice are the predators and equally desperate prey. Sometimes it's best to shut up and keep it to yourself. It's OK to have secrets, things that no one else will ever know. Not everyone is a spill-the-beans personality. Some have that still point at the center of their heart, the point vierge, that is theirs' alone.
